To be delivered to Mr. O'Reilly: A Short Treatise on the Nature of Spin
by: Your Worst Nightmare (Socks and Ralph, of course)
Mr O'Reilly, if that is your real name, it has come to our attention that
an abomination of the physical world has occurred. In a move that is
titanic in its idiocy, we understand that you have attempted to create a
so-called "No-Spin Zone". This assault on the mathematical world will not
go unchecked.
Your move, Mr. O'Reilly, is steeped in the ignorance of pre-Copernican
physics. The very notion of a zone free of spin is a direct attack on the
very fabric of the universe. Only by the grace of such brilliant minds as
Einstein, Bohr and deBroglie are we gifted with the weapons we need to
strike down your neanderthal decrees that are running rampant across the
delicately woven, but nevertheless formidable, theories of modern
mathematics and physics.
Spin, generally considered a flawed state of being by you and your ilk, is
the most perfect of all states, in that it is the only state available to
us. Your no-spin zone is an abomination, a mathematical flaw, in much the
same way that you appear to be a biological flaw. The 3rd position, an
outside observation point that you cling to so childishly, like a
frightened puppy-child, does not exist. Welcome to our maelstrom of post-
quantum terror. You will find no rest.
By who's eyes are we to stop spinning, Mr. Billiam? By who's opinion?
Certainly we can spin in time with another, thus eliminating our spin
relative to one another, but have no fear, Billocracy, we're still
spinning. The Universe Spins, the Galaxies spin, and within it, every
atom spins. Even the one that serves as your brain (dang!). To Spin is to
be perfect. Without it, gravitrons would rend, nucleotic material would
separate, electrons would run wild, and the Universe, as you would have
it, would be nothing more than a chaotic zoo of elementary matter, wildly
crashing and colliding in torridly sexual sea of entropic confusion. Your
madness and ignorance, Billygoat, are horrifying.
Thus we are here. Where injustice happens, and where the immutable laws
of physics are tried, Socks and Ralph will be there. Do not quail,
Billophane. You can be saved. Although only to be helplessly slaughtered
by our commandos.
Yours in thought,
Socks and Ralph